Psyching Out Discrimination

I don’t normally read USA Today, but this came to my attention via the gay news blog the American Psychological Association has endorsed same sex marriage.

Gay couples should be able to marry in civil ceremonies and, if they are parents, they deserve all the legal rights of straight parents, says a policy the American Psychological Association adopted Wednesday at its meeting here.

“We’re going out on a limb,” says Diane Halpern, president of APA, the nation’s largest group of psychologists. “But we’re doing what we should be doing.” The group already has a policy opposing discrimination against gays, and many members are concerned about political actions to stop gay marriages, she says.

Keeping gays from marrying “puts a particular stress on them just because of their sexual orientation. It’s a health issue and a mental health issue,” Halpern says.

Stress? Hmm. As a black gay man in America, what do I know about stress? Let’s just say I’m familiar with it, and yes, it is stressful—even when things are going well—to wonder whether one’s family will have all the same rights and protections as any other family, should the worst happen. Should anything happen to either of us, we have eached spelled out what measures we do and do not want taken. We’ve each appointed the other to make health decisions should one of us be unable to make our wishes known. We’ve spelled out what should happen to our property, and even who should get custody of our son should something happen to both of us.

My husband and I have had wills, advance directives, and medical powers of attorney prepared by the lawyer who helped finalize our son’s adoption. But states like Oklahoma and Virginia are passing laws that would attempt to negate even those contracts we’ve made with one another. Short of staying out of those states (no problem with Oklahoma, a little harder with Virgina), We don’t have any real assurance that the legal documents we’ve had created just to give us two or three of the rights and protections that married heterosexual couples enjoy from the moment they say “I do.”

So, yes, I’d have to say it’s stressful not to know that one’s family will not face discrimination should something tragic happen.