You Might Be A Wingnut If…

Found this via The People’s Republic of Seabrook, a pretty hilarious list that’s kind of a take off on the whole “You Might Be A Redneck If…” phenomenon. Here’s some favorites of mine.

You might be a right winger if…

…You’re pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war, as long as it doesn’t effect you personally.

…you think an AWOL national guardsman alfred e. neuman look-a-like dictator is more patriotic and qualified to be President in 2004 than a former NATO commander four star general rhodes scholar (wesley clark).

…if you believe that if you just work hard enough that someday you too might be as filthy rich as Bush and his friends. (Note from T.: This is actually a point made in the book I’m currently reading.)

…If you believe that the 700 Club is the only reliable news program that doesn’t air on FOX (Faux) News

…if you think it is unpatriotic and un-American to raise legitimate questions about Bush’s foreign policy and Iraq strategy while we have young men and women in harm’s way in Iraq, yet that same concern for patriotism was curiously absent when you blasted Bill Clinton WHILE WE HAD YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN IN HARM’S WAY IN KOSOVO.

…you believe that the spread of AIDS can be stopped by pulling funding for sex education and needle exchanges.

…you are convinced that greed has gotten a bad rap.

…You think that “we” are the only country that has “true freedom”.

…you believe J.C. Watts left Congress to spend more time with his family.

…If you think African-Americans should stop whining because forty years of affirmative action has magically erased the debilitating effects of 246 years of slavery and 100 years of violent Jim Crow racism

…you are convinced that Fed. Chairman Alan Greenspan truly cares how the changing economy and interest rates affect you, even if you aren’t a major player on Wall Street.

..You’ve never read the constitution, but feel you know exactly what it says.

…you think Dick Cheney actually gives a damn about anyone else but himself and his cronies.

…you believe it was the Iraqis and not the Saudis who attacked us on 9/11

…you support GW’s plan to funnel tax dollars to faith-based charities while allowing them to discriminate in their hiring practices.

…you think anyone who suggests our foreign policies for the last 50
years haven’t always been consistent with our stated ideals, and have instead put corporate profits ahead of democracy, justice, and human rights and such actions have no affect on us and the rest of the world, and anyone who suggests those things are just “blaming America first”

…Live in the rural Midwest, where every farm and small town has been decimated, and still vote republican cause people like Reagan, George W, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, and Dick Armey have your “real” concerns in mind

…You physically and verbally attack a fellow citizen who fails to stand at attention when Lee Greenwood’s song “proud to be an American” is played at a stock car race – true story

…you’re against abortion rights AND welfare for those children born to those unable to support them. (Note from T: Again Lakoff explains this.)

…you think for a second your money makes you a better person.

…you think that Christian faith will fix anything that can’t be fixed by the free market.