All Request Friday - Parenting
Two interesting questions about parenting came in.
Lauren asks, “What you didn’t expect about parenthood?”
On this, I hardly know where to begin. Before we adopted Parker, I read just about every book on parenting and childcare that I could get my hands on. Upon becoming a Dad I discovered that nothing you read and nothing anyone tells you can prepare you for being faced with kid of your own and the enormity of parenthood.
On the surface, there are little things. I don’t think I realized how all-encompassing it would be. My big struggle has been finding a balance between being there for and with my son and still finding time for myself—something that’s still important to me—and time to do things that I’m interested in and enjoy.
Much of life, when you’re a parent, becomes child-centered. It’s so easy to get immersed in the day-to-day of it that you forget to save some part of your life that is not child-centered. The reason I think it’s important is because if you don’t pay attention it can fester and then bloom into a resentment; either a general on or one focused on the kid and the responsibility of being a parent. That was something that was unexpected for me. I went through a period of resentment—wanting my time back, wanting some of my old life back— and at the same time felt terribly guilty about that resentment.
There were a few rough months during the last couple of years. But I think we got through it alright, and now I think we’ve reached a balance where the hubby and I spend lots of time with Parker, but also get time for ourselves and time together as a couple.
That leads to the next question from Bernard: “Can you talk about how often you have sex being a gay dad? Has the quality of sex improved or gotten worse now that you have a little one? By “little one” I meant baby, not, oh well you know.”
The first question is an easy one: not as often as I’d like. Let’s face it, by the time we work an eight hour day, come home, get dinner, play with the kid, and get him off to bed, we’re just plain tired. It’s a case of the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak. We wanna, but we’re too tired. Still, the quality hasn’t changed. It hasn’t gotten worse, just less frequent. 
It’s a trade off. One I can live with.