The Republic of T. Archives

After the report of Rashawn Brazell’s murder, I read the report of Marvin Page’s murder.

Fire crews on Sunday were called to a Bronx apartment building. After putting out a blaze in one unit they discovered the charred remains of a man in the burned out rubble.

The death of 54 year old Marvin Page initially was believed to have been caused by smoke inhalation. But, when an autopsy was performed Monday it became apparent that Page had been stabbed to death and his throat slashed.

Police said the fire was set in an attempt to cover up the murder. Investigators called the killing and fire a “brazen act”. The apartment building sits directly across Ryer Avenue from the 46th precinct.

Page’s car is also missing.

Page, who was gay worked as a drug counselor in Manhattan and moved into the building several months ago.

Again, I couldn’t find words. And then again today, another death; a muder closer to home. And as soon as I heard about it I had this feeling like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was afraid I would hear it, and I did her it later today in a comment about that murder. But I still couldn’t put into words what it was I was afraid to hear. Then I happened upon Bernie’s blog, and discovered someone else had found the words, in writing about the murder of Marvin Page.

Marvin was born Black, male and homosexual, a three strikes offense in most states. Pending further investigation, his case may become a hate crime. Some people will conclude he got what he deserved. Others probably don’t care. I do, and we should, as a society, care about a life cut short by hate.

Some people will conclude he got what he deserved. As they will conclude that Rashawn got what he deserved. And just today, someone apparently assumed the Wanda Alston got what she deserved. And others, as the author noted above, probalby don’t care, and never did.

Then there’s the way that Bill put it.

I used to think when there were so many beatings and killings in our community that they hated us because they saw us as being so different.

They never saw us as their equals. They never saw us as people.

They had a whole set of terms they used, just for us. On a good day, we were “them”. On a bad day, we were less than “them”.

Now, they hate us for trying to be like them. They hate us for trying to be with them. They hate us for wanting inclusion. They hate us for trying to claim our love in marriage.

They never saw us as their equals. They never saw us as people.

It’s a strange world we live in.

A strange world indeed. Stranger every day, in fact. In fact, it’s almost as if we’re witnessing the paroxysms of a deep and abiding sickness in Amerian culture and communities, and that all the hate must finally be vomited out before the entire body can begin to heal. At least that’s what I tell myself today, because I want to believe that healing will follow. In some ways, I have to.

That’s the reality that I was afraid of coming face to face with today; the reality that our lives don’t matter to a great many people, some of them even in our own families or communities. All I can say is that I came face to face with it today, and managed to move on.

It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with it. I’ve heard it before. I heard it when I was in college, and began losing the first of my friends to succumb to AIDS. When a close friend of mine died, and I tried to explain to my father what I was feeling about losing my friend. What did he say? “Well, that’s to be expected. In that lifestyle you’re always gonna have people getting sick and dying, and committing suicide, or getting killed.” I didn’t speak to him for six months after that. I decided I didn’t need the burden of anger along with sadness and weariness.

That was years ago, and yet it seems that little has change; that we haven’t come all that far. When one of us is lost to hatred, sickness or violence, we still hear the same things. “Well, what do you expect?” and “She brought it on herself.”

And here I sit again angry, sad, and tired.

With that, I’m going to bed. I’m just glad this day is over.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 18th, 2005 at 12:20 am and is filed under Gay Rights, Race. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.