Dad & Me

Dad’s funeral is today at noon. I spent some time yesterday pouring over old photo albums to find some pictures of him and me together.

Dad & Me

This is probably my favorite picture of dad & me. He’s apparently coming home from a boy scout meeting. I can’t be much older than two in that picture, but I remember my sister and I would run out to greet him whenever he came home, and he would pick both of us up. It’s one of my favorite memories. Now Parker does the same thing when I come home, so now I have an idea of how my dad felt when we came running to greet him at the end of the day.

Whatever may have passed between us, I’ve never doubted my father’s love for me. He told me of it and showed it to me in countless ways through the 37 years that he was a living part of my life. And being a father myself has strengthened the knowledge of how much I was loved by my dad.

This picture reminds me of that. That’s why as soon as I learned of my dad’s passing, I wanted to have this picture.

 Dad & Me 2

Most likely a picture from my second birthday. I’d forgotten about this picture until I started looking through the photo albums, but I wanted it because it has my dad looking at me and smiling, which is what I want to remember most.

In the den of my parents’ house, each of us kids has a wall of pictures — graduation pictures, diplomas, etc. — and I also discovered that each of us has a photo album dedicated to our growing up and and accomplishments. (There are simlar albums in the works for the grandchildren, including Parker.) In mine I found pictures going all the way back to my pre-school days all the way through my Eagle Scout award and my my college graduation. They even had the programs of every play I appeared in during high school, and some of my early "letters to the editor" from that time. (My "pre-blogging" years, perhaps?) Finding that reminded me that my dad — both of my parents, actually — were and are proud of me and what I’ve managed to accomplish, no matter what our differences are or were.

It will probably take me a long time to process my feelings around my father’s death, but having those memories to hold on to will help. No matter what, I’ll always remember how my dad loved me and how proud he was of me. My tribute to my dad will be to make sure my son grows up knowing how much I love him and how proud I am of him.

Thanks, Dad. Know that I’ve always loved you, and that I always will.  

About Terrance

Black. Gay. Father. Buddhist. Vegetarian. Liberal.
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10 Responses to Dad & Me

  1. Tony says:

    T–
    Condolences to you and your family on the loss of your father. I lost mine about 5 years ago and I went on a mad search to find pictures of me and my father together as well. We were not really a picture taking family, so I became concerned that there were none available. I managed to find one of us at my college graduation. Again, I am sorry for the loss. God bless you and yours….

    Tony

  2. julia says:

    T-

    Condolences and sympathy. I lost my father 15 years ago. Looking at the pics of you and your dad made me miss mine.

    Julia

  3. Kate L. says:

    T – I’m a lurker from Rachel’s tavern, but I wanted to tell you that you have my condolences. I lost my mom just over a year ago – 5 weeks before my wedding and just 3 months before the birth of my first child. I miss knowing her as a grandparent to my daughter, but much like you, when she passed, we began to clean out some of her things and found her treasure chest of memories. In her nightstand and hope chest she had all of our report cards, several small papers or spelling tests from as far back as 2nd grade. My mom was not an overtly sentimental person, her love was shown in how she acted and her thoughtfulness and finding all that stuff just spoke volumes about her love for all of her girls.

    I just wanted to tell you that it’s hard to lose a parent, and it sounds like you have your head in the right place – trying to remember his love, and trying to be the best parent you can be to your own son sounds like just the kind of legacy any parent would want to leave.

  4. Nio says:

    Today marks the 32nd year my dad has been in a different realm. Looking at your pictures brought back some buried memories. Losing a parent is difficult for sure.

    I offer you and yours love and sympathy. My the gods and goddesses bring you comfort.

  5. liza says:

    It’s weird when a parent dies at this age. My dad died when I was 36 and it was life changing. It immediately made me feel like an adult. It was as if until that day I was daddy’s girl.

    T., I love your childhood pics. Is that a Chevette or an Impala? There’s a pic of me @ 2 years old in a car like your dad’s –same color only the hood was black. I loved to play vroom, vroom in that car.

    That’s were the love is, the memories.

    Welcome to adulthood.

    Peace.

  6. barb says:

    hey T.
    I’m really sorry about your dad. I know he was sick lately and you were worried. I wish I could say something more erudite. I’m kinda speechless right now.

    You’re such a beautiful amazing person, I can only imagine that he must’ve been one of the proudest dads ever.

    Sending love and showers of blessings on you and your family.

  7. Nacho says:

    T, thanks for the beautiful and touching post. My condolences, and all the best to you. In our practice we speak of interbeing, and of impermanence so much, and of course, it is not easy to face in moments like this. I offer you a song we sing in Thich Nhat Hanh’s tradition:

    “No coming, no going,
    No after, no before,
    I hold you close to me,
    I release you to be so free.
    Because I am in you and you are in me,
    Because I am in you and you are in me..”

    Abrazos,

    Nacho

  8. Randy Boyd says:

    T, thanks for sharing your memories of your father and the great pic. Here’s wishing you and your family well in your challenging time. Randy

  9. Jim Burroway says:

    What a wonderful way to remember your father. I am very sory for your loss

  10. Matt says:

    Great pictures. May he rest in peace.

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